Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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