I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
