Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
