it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
