That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
