Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
