Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
