Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
