pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize