not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
