Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
