I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
