No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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