the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
