You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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