So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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