these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
