forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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