were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
