Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
