totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this just has baby written all over it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
