she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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