Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
