we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
