i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
