you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
