I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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