i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
