I want to have your abortion
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
