Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
