my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
