oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
