Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I cockslap morals
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Boobs speak an international language.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
