Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
