the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
