Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
