My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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