I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
