6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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