Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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