saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
