I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
