ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
