What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
