i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize