Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
