I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
