A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you would pick up someone in the library
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
