I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
