"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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