Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize