Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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