Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
