you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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