Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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