u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
