I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am available for nakedness
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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