i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
