im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
