hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
handjob tips. give me some.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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