He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
