Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think I won the penis lottery.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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