I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
