Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
