My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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