So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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