if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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